Redemption and Refusals
by laurenparade
Summary: It's almost exactly three years after Edward left Bella. She's turning twenty-one, and she's completely different from the Bella that Edward left behind. She's bold, uninhibited, experienced, and has lost almost all of her good manners. Full summary insid
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **It's almost exactly three years after Edward left Bella. She's turning twenty-one, and she's completely different from the Bella Edward left. She's bold, uninhibited, _experienced_, and has lost almost all of her good manners. She's been hardened by what life handed her after Edward left her. Will Edward accept this new Bella? Bella's not as forgiving as she used to be; will she refuse Edward when he tries to redeem himself for her? Rated M for language and maybe for future chapters. A little OOC.

**Chapter One**

**BPOV**

I was annoyed. Seriously fucking annoyed. _How hard is it to be on time? _I thought angrily, looking at my kitchen clock for what must have been the umpteenth time. I sighed irritably, not that anyone could hear me over the blaring hip-hop playing. Seriously, whatever random person decided to become a D.J. better fucking reconsider his career choice. Tonight was my 21st birthday party, not that I was the one to throw it. It was a surprise "pre-party" as my current boy-toy Derek Dejonavich put it. From what few whispers I've heard, Derek, myself, and a few close friends are going to downtown Los Angeles to check out some clubs, then head out to the Nocturnal Festival. I sincerely hope the rumours are true - at least for the Nocturnal Festival. It's was something I wanted to attend for a long ass time.

Suddenly, my Sidekick vibrated. Glancing at it, I realized it was the source of my annoyance. I grabbed it and walked outside, where I could hear the motherfucker drone on and on about fucking traffic issues. _You can't bullshit a bullshitter, buddy, _I thought.  
Now that I was outside, I could vaguely make out the ringtone. Black and Blue by Bring Me The Horizon. Sighing, I answered the phone.

"Hello?" I asked with as much irritation as I could put in the two measly syllables.

"Bella! God, I'm so sorry! Me… me mum had another attack and I had to get her to the hospital. I know I should've called but I was just so worried and distracted and goddamnit, this is your fucking party that _I _threw and I'm just so sorry," ranted Benen O'Keenon, somewhat breathlessly. I could hear the sincere apology in his tone and my cold heart melted a little. He was my best friend; I couldn't be mad at him, not when his mother was always in and out of the hospital with heart attacks.

"Benen, sweetie, it's fine. Really, it is. You don't worry about me, got it? The party is great, I love it," I reassured, lying a tad at the end. I hated having parties at my house - they made me paranoid as fuck.

"Are you sure, lass? By god, I'm a sorry son of a bitch. I will be there, I swear to ye," he promised, his Irish accent melting my heart further. That fucking accent was the reason why I could never say no to this kid. But he was always there, especially when I needed him the most, which was quite often. All things considered, it made sense that Benen means 'kind'.

"All right, but feel free to stay with your mom if she needs it, okay?" I didn't want him to be distracted by something as trivial as my birthday. It wasn't all that important, in comparison.

"Ay, ay, I will, if it comes to it. I'll call you a little later, then. Bye." _Click_ and the line was dead. I sighed and walked back up the driveway, ignoring the aching feeling in my heart. I could always feel it more insistently and more painfully on my birthdays. I promised myself I wouldn't let myself get sucked back into the memories, but I really couldn't help it. Falling onto a little bench in the small woodsy area by my house, I clutched my chest and tried to keep my heart from falling out. That motherfucker always had a way of finding me in my weakest moments, even if he was…well, I didn't know where he his. But thanks to those oh-so-kind parting words of his, I knew he wouldn't be anywhere close to me.

I closed my eyes tightly, trying my very hardest not to envision him. My cold-skinned archangel. I was almost breathless with the pain. After almost a year and a half without thinking too much about him, the pain was….unbearable.

"Edward," I whispered. I felt myself sway and then everything went black.

* * *

**EPOV**

"Bella," I moaned as I collapsed to the ground, accidentally shattering a small boulder in the process. I was done tracking; it was fruitless. I had lost track of Victoria. I could no longer see the point in my being away from my Bella - my heart, my soul. Being away from her was the very worst type of torture. Physically, it was very hard for my kind to feel any sort of pain. But ever since I left her, I've had a constant, hollow ache where my un-beating heart should be. I had forced myself to imagine the image of Jasper lunging at her during her eighteenth birthday party. That image was the only thing that helped keep me away for three years. Today was Bella's twenty-first birthday. Now she could legally drink and gamble, if she wanted to. I groaned. I regretted my decision to leave her, although I still feel as if it was the best thing to do. She would never live a safe, normal human life surrounded by vampires. Now, she was free to marry and have kids. I flinched at the thought of Bella with another, but chuckled humourlessly at the realization that it was what I wanted for her. At least, that's what I've been telling myself.  
Without her, my life was completely unbearable. I was too pathetic to even stay with my family anymore. I couldn't stand knowing that Jasper was forced to feel all the pain I was suffering through, that Esme would feel utterly helpless, that Carlisle would feel as if he'd failed me. I owed them better than that, and that's why I left on an indefinite hunting trip. Of course, I checked in regularly, but I couldn't ignore them pleading for my return. They cared about me much more than I deserved. And then there was Alice. I told her not to keep tabs on Bella, but I knew she would occasionally check in and torture me with what she saw.

"_Edward, one of Bella's closest friends past away. She's heartbroken."  
_"_She has another new boyfriend. She obviously doesn't care for him and their relationship will last, if I'm correct, about 26 days, 8 hours, and 3.5 minutes."  
_"_She's taking classes to improve her balance. She's really doing quite well; she doesn't trip over her own feet anymore!"  
_"_Edward, she…had sex for the first time. She appears to feel broken up about it. Please, go to her. I know she misses you." _I flinched at that memory.

Each time she would start to talk about her, I'd be sorely tempted to hang up, but hearing about her was like a drug for me - it tempted me nearly as much as her blood would.

I got up from my kneeling position on the jungle floor. I was somewhere in South America. Apparently, my lead on Victoria was completely wrong. I let out a roar of frustration, causing all the animals in a five mile radius to run away. I wasn't going to do this anymore; I had to go back to Bella and ask for her forgiveness, even if I had to get on my knees and beg. I turned north and began running, already formulating a plan. I_ would_ redeem myself for Bella.

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_Hint hint: I like reviews(: I'm still not entirely sure where I'm going to have this story head, to maybe some opinions/ideas would help my, uh, "creative process". :D_

_BTW, Bella and her friends live in North Hills in California._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Finally, right?_

_BTW: This is also rated M for drug references and possible future drug use. _

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, not it's characters. I just get them drunk and make 'em swear ;)**

**BPOV**

"C'mon, Bells! You're 21! You can buy alcohol. Pretty please?" begged Jacob Black.

I smirked over at him from the top of my Scotch and water. "But why on earth would I do that?" I drawled sarcastically. "You're still a minor, bud. I don't wanna corrupt your precious, youthful innocence," I quipped, sniggering.

He rolled his eyes and swiveled his stool so his back was leaning on the bar, like me. I leaned my elbows back and sighing contentedly, glancing around the club. It was a Friday, classes are over, and I was so ready to let loose. That disastrous birthday party of mine had left me feeling shaky.  
I didn't want to feel like that scared, wrecked little girl I was three years ago. I was just starting to feel semi-normal again. I glared into my glass. Fucking vampires.

"Hey! Hey you! Pretty girl with the rainbow hair, wanna dance?"

I stirred out of my reverie and looked around for the offending voice. A guy about my age wearing a cowboy hat was leering over me, completely fucking blazed. I smirked up at him.

"No can do, stranger. I'm not a dancing' kinda gal. But," I said, jerking my head towards Jake, "my friend over here loves him some strapping cowboys. Maybe ya'll can have some fun."

Cowboy cracked up and boogied his way back to the dance floor while Jake looked seriously un-amused.

"Seriously, Bells? Not funny," he grumbled. I laughed.

"Hey, why not? You and Billy the Kid would've made a great pair. At least he can match you for height," I said, eyeing his tall, lanky werewolf frame. He snorted.

"That's just the liqueur talking. I'm getting kind of sick of this place. It's no fun sober. Want to go back to your place and just chill, like old times?" he asked, purposely avoiding my gaze.

I winced at the mention of 'old times' but agreed nonetheless.

The drive home was quiet. I was really happy Jake had come to visit, but I was also kind of regretting it. He was one of the few people who knew me from high school. I would frequently talk to him and Angela on the phone once I hauled ass outta gloomy Forks after graduation. They were both too perceptive though, and I could always (grudgingly) count on them to see through the cracks in my carefully made brick wall I'd put up for myself. I'd mentioned to Jake over the phone the fiasco that was my birthday party, and the memories it brought up, and three weeks later he was here.  
I'd managed to keep his questions at bay, but I knew he was going to pounce eventually.

"Hey, Jake, open up a bottle of wine, will ya? Red, preferably," I called down as I headed upstairs. "No problem," he shouted back, a hint of excitement in his voice. I chuckled quietly to myself. He was still like a little kid sometimes, even though he was practically twice my height and width, and only two years my junior.

Kicking off my black ballet flats, I headed to my closet to change. Dressing up was never something I was keen on doing, but it was a novelty I indulged in on special occasions. For instance, the sparkly little retro dress I was currently in.  
I stood in front of the mirror, studying my reflection. I sure had changed, not just mentally and emotionally. Physically, I was practically a stranger to myself. Some things are still the same, though. I've got the same brown eyes and pale skin, and I haven't gotten any taller. But I have filled out, thank goodness, and in all the right places. Good-bye A-cup, hello C-cup!  
What's the most different though, is definitely the hair. It's still long-ish, and there's definitely brown, but I had gotten a little creative with it, layering it and added in some dark purple, red, auburn, darker brown, and a little black. I blew my bangs out of my face and, looking away, grabbed a pair of grubby, torn up cut-off jeans and an old Motley Crue t-shirt and quickly changed.

As I headed downstairs, I hear muffled grunts and swearing. I tiptoed towards to spacious kitchen and peered in, and had to quickly stifle laughter. There was Jake wrestling with the bottle and the corkscrew.  
Unsuccessfully holding back my amusement, I doubled over with giggles. Jake huffed and glared at the bottle, mumbling something that sounded like "stupid freaking bottle…goddamnit…not my fault."

"Just get me a wine glass, Jake, and whatever for yourself. And try to overexert yourself in the process," I instructed between giggles. He shot me a withering look to which I responded by sticking out my tongue.

Finally settled on my sofa, wine glass and beer in hand, he looked at me.

"So, Bells, I guess you know why I'm here," he said, taking a sip of his Budweiser. I smiled flirtatiously.

"Why, it's not for my intense feminine charm and delightful conversation? I'm insulted."

He rolled his eyes. "No, it's because you called me up, bawling, on your birthday," he said flatly.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Oh, _that._ Is anyone going to let me live that down? Shit, man. I mean, a girl faints and everybody freaks the fuck out. You people need to chill out and smoke some pot or something. Geez."

"Bells…Come on. Talk to me. Please?" he begged, lifting up my chin when I looked down.

I shot an annoyed look at him and sat up straighter. "Fine. You want me to talk then I'll fucking talk. Birthdays are bad for me, Jake. You know that." I shrugged. "Memories come bubbling up to the surface, completely unbidden. You think I want to remember? You think I _want_ to feel that horrible, helpless…Like I did back in Forks? No!" I yelled, my voice steadily rising. "But I can't fucking help it. No matter how hard I try, and I try so fucking hard, I remember.

"Sure, I've gotten better, but that's just because I've built up this wall, and I've distracted myself with school, lessons, and friends and all that other bullshit. But I can't forget. How could I? Thank God you've never felt pain that…_this _intense, Jake. 'Cause no matter how many years pass, no matter how many distractions I have, it never goes away. Never. I still feel it everyday, even though I've managed to push it to the back, it's there," I said quietly, looking into my depleted glass. My voice had lowered to barely a whisper and I belatedly noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks. I wiped my face and hazarded a look at Jake. He sat there, looking like he just got hit by lightning. He let his breath in a big whoosh.

"Damn, Bells. I didn't know…I mean, he's just a bloodsu- _guy_," he corrected hastily at my look. "I almost thought…well, hoped really, that you were over him. And not just because of me, I know you're not interested, of course," he stopped talking and just looked at me for a minute.

Then he took my small hand into his two huge ones and pulled me into a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and sobbed.

"I think I've had too much to drink," I sniffled.

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Wooo! Yay me for finally updating! Next chapter will probably be all Edward POV.

Reviews make me giggle harder than a drunk Bella.


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